Quick update for anyone who gives a damn.

I just want to make this clear I am not telling you this for sympathy or to have anyone say poor baby. I need to get this off my chest and this forum has been good to me and I really feel like some of you deserve a bit of information as to where my head is, has been, and more than likely will be at for the time being.

I have been thinking a lot about what is going on with me. As some of you know I have been stuck at home (or on house arrest) with an injury I suffered in January and unable to return to work. I have been to see several doctors over the last few months and have at times been in severe pain and really confused as to what is going on. It started out as just ankle pain and has since moved on to my whole left leg and now into my back.

After a terrible experience with a doctor about two months ago. I had been forced into a mind set I was uncomfortable with. The last doctor (not my current) I saw had said she thought it was all in my head. I have been made to understand that particular doctor has little to no experience or knowledge of RSD or CRPS but after the visit I was left doubting myself and my sanity as well as whether or not she could be right. This did not do me any good as it and the lack of pain killers were making me feel like I was losing my mind.

I went to see my new doctor Wednesday Sept 19th and he thinks I have RSD or CRPS. Of course we still have to do more tests and confirm as best as we can that it is RSD or CRPS but he is reasonably sure that is what is going on. RSD or CRPS is basically a nerve injury were the nerves think they are in pain when there is no bone or muscle damage that would cause such pain. If you are interested you can find out more at the AMA website.

The good news it is treatable with a lot of painful Physical Therapy and failing that some other methods. The bad news it can be a long hard road. The worse news now that it is affecting my back I am no longer just restricted to sit down work I am now temporarily totally disabled. This means even if I had to I can't go find another job right now it even effects my looking into going back to school.

Some of the members of my family are nudging me toward seeing a lawyer but I am apprehensive from previous experience with a car wreak and I am not interested in a big settlement as opposed to just getting better at least enough to drive comfortably that is my goal. The treatment could take as long as five years in the worst case scenario.

I doubt very much I will ever get to go back to a full time manual labor job. I miss my job, I miss going to work, I miss having a reason to get out of bed. I miss going out with my friends and hanging out. The best I get is when someone my mother or a really close friend is willing to deal with me suffering a car ride into see a movie and maybe get something to eat. I always pay dearly in pain the next day for the ride to and from not fun. Trips in to see the doctor or to Phyiscal Therapy are no joy ride either.

I have lost friends during this whole thing some of which I probably would have parted ways with anyway. Some of which I stayed out of contact with for reasons on top of not wanting to bog them down with my General Hospital but mainly because this experience is playing hell with me.

Surprisingly I feel I have stayed fairly positive and not become depressed by this whole situation. This is not to say I don't get angry or emotional about it just not going to let it rule me completely. I hope it makes me a stronger person in the end and that is all I can ask for. Like I said I not telling you this for any gain I just needed to get it out there. This is just for those who give a damn.

Well here is to me for being me right now.

To everyone for putting up with me when I am an Ass and when I don't make much sense.

This will also be posted in a few other places so don't be surprised if you see it again if you follow me around the net at all.